We have been called prudes and prigs, that’s no surprise. Not by our husbands of course, but they do enjoy the protectiveness of our public conduct.
There’s nothing wrong with breastfeeding. It’s natural and that’s what women’s bodies are designed to do.
But for heaven’s sakes! Do you have to do it on a magazine cover?!!! And the challenging stares from both mother and son AT the the anonymous viewer makes this magazine cover essentially pornographic in its exhibitionist tendencies. This ranks up there on the odiousness scale as celebrities who whip out their pregnant bellies and traipse around naked on Vanity Covers. Motherhood and pregnancy is a wonderful thing, yes we all agree. You’re proud, yes that is obvious. But you don’t have to shove it down our throats; this is no way to conduct yourselves. Cover yourselves up ladies! Attention is cheap and fleeting!
We finally got it. We have been begging a few of the girls’ audiophile husbands to see if they can get a copy of this record. Sure, googling it will bring up a mention in some program called Tosh.0. And many websites have cited the record’s amusing title, but has anyone ACTUALLY heard the music on this recording?
Well here is your chance! The women at Stepford Wives Organization is proud to present our digitized track (oh alright, Edwin hunted it down at a garage sale and James gets the credit for digital conversion, whatever that means) from the record Music for Washing and Ironing by the Somerset Strings. EPIC LG 3084. We warn you, it’s a bit scratchy, but what did you expect for something over 50+ years old!?
Click on the record cover above or here to play the mp3.
The liner notes begins:
The therapeutic value of certain music has been known for a long, long time. Wily old Congreve was the man who noted that “music hath charms to soothe the savage breast,” but the concept goes much farther back into history than that. More recently, music has been used to keep employees happier (and in some instances, busier) at their work, and the introduction of a radio program called “Music to Read By” has led to a series of programs presenting music for specific moods and/or occupations. In the instance of this particular program, it matters little whether or not one is washing or ironing; the music is delightful on and terms. Nevertheless, if there is work to be done, it is certain that the burden can be eased by such gracious and appealing melodies as The Somerset Strings present in this collection.
Sorry, if you were expecting Mad Men’s Washing Machine with Betty Draper! That featured music was done by Astrud Gilberto from her song Agua De Beber, and will certainly prove too distracting to get your tidy whiteys brilliant.
Now enough chatting, we need to get back to washing and ironing and cooking!
For those of you who don’t have time to comb over social media, tumblr and pinterest sites (we don’t even know what half of those places are)…here is a favorite that the girls have been passing around.
Remember, nothing is that insurmountable that you can’t talk it over and work it out. As we girls in the kitchen say, “don’t let the stew go unattended!” Remember, don’t attack the problem head on and come on strong. No guy likes that. Be smooth. Be a gentlelady.
1. Suggest a neutral space. Go out and get a cup of coffee or a meal together.
2. Ease into it. Think of a memory or a happy time. Even something funny. Don’t stick to a formula, weave it in.
3. Bring it in gently for a soft landing. Touch your husband, and be honest. Say the most elegant and simplest four words:
“Let’s work it out.”
4. Always end strong Talk about some of your concerns, but always end on a positive note. End with a reminder of why things do work for the two of you as a team. And that it’s worth it to give it another go.
One of the online items that the Stepford girls are passing around is this article about Americans being the biggest prudes in Western civilization. The article begins with “To extreme social conservatives of the far right, the word “prude” is not an insult — it’s a badge of honor.” They had us at the very beginning!
Needless to say we were more than delighted to be considered “prudes.” In fact, we actively maintain that very demeanor when out traveling in the absence of our husbands. One of the things readers of our organization often get confused over, is our call for modesty in public versus the deep fulfillment we get by pleasing our husbands in the privacy of our homes.
Our motto is “priggish on the top, rakish underneath!” Our husbands always remind us that they are proud to be seen as men with chaste, proper, and prim women in public. Once we get home however, it’s all their call.
Besides, what a bore it must be to live in a loose, ‘anything goes’, sexually permissive culture. Everyone would just let it all “hang out.” They’d be nothing left to the imagination. Men would ogle, women would cheapen themselves in the eyes of strangers, and children would pick up bad habits. All for what? A cheap thrill?
At the Stepford Organization, we always take the high road. Because the thrill of flying is defined by how far you stand to fall. Stepford girls keep it all bottled up when we leave our homes. The husband holds the corkscrew, and the wine flows at home.
We here at the organization love Republican wives of campaigning candidates. They are always so well-behaved, well turned-out and supporting of their husbands. There’s always a certain reverence Republican wives look up to their husbands that is wholly missing from the way Democratic women fight alongside theirs.
We adored Cindy McCain in the ’08 elections, even though comments made about her were an unfortunate demonstration of how vicious liberal trolling online could get. Needless to say, we grab every chance we can to watch the campaigns these past few months. Maureen Dowd writes a great article in that liberal old gray lady The New York Times about our Callista: NY Times Article: The Great Man’s Wife
Dowd’s article is a point by point blueprint of how we at the Stepford Wives Organization feel wives should behave towards their husbands.
Despite what people say about Stepford Wives being conformists to one accepted way of doing something, the girls in our organization do have our individual styles at our dinner table. Needless to say, the basic rules still apply: we never have dinner without our husbands present. But the similarity ends there.
Carolyn, my sister, always hovers over James while he eats. She continues serving his meal, freshening his drink and bussing the dishes back and forth until the courses are all served. After that, she sits down and listens to how his day went.
I’m a little different. I sit with an empty plate in front of me while Charles eats: I don’t get up until he needs something. Whatever Charles doesn’t finish, he forks his leftovers to my empty plate and after I get him his next course, I eat whatever he doesn’t want. That way, we have time to catch up.
Both Georgina and Jane dress themselves up nicely and sit quietly smiling across from their husbands while the husbands eat. They feel the man should come home at the end of the day to a nice home, a warm meal and a beautiful wife among their possessions. Georgina feels nourished enough if she gets an approving stroke on her head from Edwin. Most of the time though, Mr. Thomas just tells her to go sit in the other room while he eats.
Of course, Liz has her very own signature etiquette. After serving Matthew a nice juicy steak with all the trimmings, she often gets under the table and finishes Matthew’s menu off with a dessert treat while he smokes a cigar.
I’m the only one who actually eats anything at the dinner table, most of the girls settle for something light in the kitchen afterwards, because our men think being thin is more important than being fed.
Hey girls, check out the Google animation for today’s Valentine Day celebration. If you go to Google and click on the little boy carrying the red square with the “play” symbol on it, it will take a few seconds and the animation will begin. You can also watch it here.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Make it a special evening for the fella!
We were sitting around cooing over this adorable outfit. We already own too many as it were, but the photo was so expertly taken, and the expression on the model so radiant and in keeping with our attitude in what we do, we just had to share it. The dress is handmade and for sale on Etsy, a good place to find prim dresses and blouses for the homemaker.
We dearly missed the days when women were dressed pretty and modestly, and stayed at home to raise a family. Fortunately, paintings from the past allow us to hark back to those wistful days when women were truly women: quiet, modest, genteel, and happily acquiescent to men.
Clicking on the picture above will take you to the Doris’s website announcing the new album.
Among us Stepford girls, the box sets reissues of Doris Day recordings by Germany’s Bear Family are on constant rotation in our kitchens. We recommend these recordings if you want to hear superb remasters of the original. The Bear Family are noted for their meticulous attention to maintaining fidelity to the original versions.
So you can imagine how delighted we were when we found out America’s sweetheart announces she is releasing a new album. It is suppose to be available on December 7, 2011 in the U.S. You can pre-order it today. It has already been released in the UK to great success. The recordings include previously unreleased tracks, and songs that were later mastered by a famed British recording producer. You can listen AND purchase the tracks or cd here at this Amazon link. Proceeds of sales will go to the Doris Day Animal Foundation.
